Blogging, Diet, family, friends, future, Health, Insanity, SCD


It’s been a while since I last blogged, at first it was because I couldn’t think of what to write about. Then as the week progressed I was informed of a family emergency and cheating on my diet more than I wanted.

Easy stuff first: So I’ve stopped doing the insanity program, I did it for a full week and midway through and afterwards my shins ached really bad. So I’ve decided to shelve that until I lose a major amount of weight. In place of it I have done Kettelbell workouts, walking more, continuing to do yoga, and swimming.
As for my dieting, I’ve cheated more than I intended to this week, partly due to not having enough food in the house, and then stress from hearing that my grandmother has brain damage from the accident she had early December.

I find it very interesting, that because I don’t have enough variety of foods within my diet, or rather only one part of the meal, that I’ll get hungry, and at that point the first 30 minutes or so I’ll be in a state where I’ll be like, “OK, lets see what I can make within my dietary restrictions.” after that or if I skip that part for whatever reason, I just don’t really car afterwards, I’m hungry, and just need to get sustenance in whatever form available. Once I start cheating, it’s just a slippery slope until I feel satiated. Then I feel bad because I know I’m probably not going to lose weight for that day. I try to not beat myself up over it too much, however, I recognize what I’ve just done and I try to analyze what happened what it was like, and how to correct it. As simple as it sounds, I just need to keep the kitchen stocked with stuff in my diet. I don’t have cheat day cravings if I eat just before or right when I get hungry, so if I can keep the fridge stocked with enough variety I’ll be less likely to cheat. I was pretty busy with interviews this week, and I didn’t go out of my way to make it to the store. What’s funny is that Safeway is just a 10 minute walk from my apartment. I need to edit into my schedule optional times to go to the store I think. Then actually do it. It really just comes down to going and doing it I believe.

In early December my grandmother Bettie and mother were in a car accident when they hit a patch of black ice. My mom was banged up and sore but relatively OK. Bettie broke both her legs and had some nasty damage to her head from hitting the steering wheel (for some reason when they crashed the airbags did not deploy).

Up until a few weeks we thought she was healing  well, and seemed fine mentally–apart from the hospital blues– but recently the doctors have told us that there may be some brain damage, but don’t know to what extent. I called her a day ago and it reminded me of the past few years of interacting with my grandfather Dave and his Alzheimer’s. This is pretty scary stuff for me; I was raised by my grandparents and consider them my father and mother. We lost my grandfather Dave in 2011, so you can imagine how stressful (and emotional) this is.

I am working on getting up to Alaska next week after a few interviews I have here in Seattle. I’m really hoping that things really aren’t as bleak as they seem, I’m hoping that the damage is temporary and reversible, but I just don’t know. I don’t want to lose another parent so soon.


We are our own worst and best critics

I had an epiphany in the shower yesterday. I came to the sudden realization that within ourselves we have the power to both build ourselves up and systematically deconstruct ourselves. The latter is extremely painful, loud, and dangerous. It also sticks out like a sore thumb, for some it may even permeate from our presence and clear a room of any positive feelings.

We beat ourselves up for various reasons. After repeated beatings it can be very dangerous as we can go into a  vicious cycle which can manifest itself in hundreds of different ways; bad health choices, bad life decisions, sleeping all day, playing games, and watching TV all day to name a few common ones.

But why? Why? Why? Why? … Why? Re-read that, after each why I want you to pick something that you have been upset about not doing or wondering why you can’t change something (Like sticking to a diet, going out for a run, sending that e-mail off to your family, asking your boss for that promotion you feel you deserve…), and answer each why, better yet write it down on a piece of paper. Be honest with yourself. This is known as the 5 Whys technique, while it doesn’t help you fix an issue you’ve been dealing with, it can help you identify what is holding you back. Sometimes it can be fear, other times it could be simply that you don’t feel like it is as important as your “me time”, whatever that might be.

Once you have identified what is holding you back you can work to change that. You can use this technique  pretty much for any issue you are not happy about or may feel guilty about. My suggestion, though, once you have this list in front of you, sleep on it, then the next day formulate a plan to address the issue.

I used this specifically to snap out of a self-destructive cycle that had become so insidious that I misconstrued a common saying, that it is OK to be fat, and somehow convinced myself that being fat is healthy–It’s OK, right?? It had actually become a such a sore point over the years that I buried those feelings deep down and forgot about them.

Only when I started to be truly honest to myself about my weight, I was able to see how deep I had been lying to myself. Once I realized this, I took about half a week to formulate plan to fix my weight issues.

You may be wondering what about the best critic part–that’s the beauty of our inner critic, once we realize how to work with our internal critic and apply a mental framework like I’ve outlined so far, the worst critic really is our best critic.

It really is that simple. It comes down to taking those negative feelings, being honest with yourself, and identifying the root cause. The next part is action and it’s up to you to fix it if you feel its worth fixing.

Diet, Health, SCD

I just wanted to write a quick post for people who may be trying SCD. In the 4-hour body by Tim Ferris he list a certain target of beans to eat. When I started the Specific Carbohydrate Diet I measured the beans out and it was ok, slight discomfort, eventually I started just automatically portioning the beans out into container(s) without regard to exact measurements, I started getting more stomach pains almost as if I over ate.

My solution was to take half to 2/3’s of what I thought was an correct portion for beans(those things are super compact!), and if I was still a bit hungry to go for just a bit more protein. After that I noticed Immediate change.

Make Sure you are also drinking enough water, My rule of thumb for water intake is to take your weight in pounds and use that as a guide, if you are 200 lbs. try to drink 100-200 oz of water a day (your weight pound number in the upper bounds as ounces, the lower bound is half that), in that specific example that roughly is 3-6 Liters of water a day, one of the bigger Nalgene type bottles is generally the size of a liter, so if you can do 3-6 a day it will really help you to get the water intake you need.

A trick I like to get the water you need is try to drink a specific amount before your meal, I also drink some between bites because I like the extra lubrication for mastication–always have–, and if you have room try drinking some more afterwards.
ABH, Always Be Hydrating!

SCD pains: Too many beans?

Blogging, friends, Health, Insanity, Programming, Self, self improvement


It’s late and I have yoga in 6 hours so I’m gonna make this quick–I’ll make hump days my update day.

I have stuck to the SCD pretty closely, not even adding honey or fructose or any sugars of any kind to  my diet–It’s pretty much beans, veggies, protein, water, and the occasional diet soda.

As far as exercise I have worked on doing an Insanity workout that I try to stick to as much as possible, however I am getting pains in my inner shins so I am just doing push-ups or crunches(still can’t do sit-ups yet) for exercises that start to make my shins hurt. I have done this a bit after I get back from yoga at 8am (it starts at 6:45am, I get up at 5:30 am for a light breakfast, still hitting 15g of protein though). I usually go out for walks, and recently my walking buddy just got back into town so we’re going to be walking Friday afternoons just walking around Seattle. I have another friend that wants to do a 5K, I’d like to run/jog it but I don’t think my legs can take the impact at my weight (which is down 5 lbs!).The last time I ran I believe was in 2009 when I was 280 and even then it was tough. (best way to get out of the Fairbanks summer sun at 85F+ — I love cold, but not really below -10F — was to just run fast home then take  a cold shower)

I also swim almost every day, except on the weekends. Today I was practicing Dolphin Kicks, I’d like to take classes or get a coach to help me learn how to swim better, alas maybe when I don’t have to pinch pennies so tightly, which may be soon, I have a meeting next week with a co-founder of a start-up I am really excited about, I don’t want to reveal anything yet, but its a place that does something cool and gives back to communities.

Swimming,walking, yoga, insanity; Those are my exercise staples for now. I’ve read a lot lately and I started looking into the go programming language, my first project after I learn some basicswill be similar to something I did in my junior year CS class, AI programming, but instead of a checkers feed forward neural net, I’m going to up the ante and make it a Chess AI, I was also thinking of writing it such that I can also afterwards easily turn it into a prediction/subject twitter parser for a future project I’d like to play with. Would be interesting if better chess AI brains would be good at predicting future subjects on twitter, I doubt it but will be interesting to test out heh :) I also plan to do some tweaking of the mutation algorithm to fake generational cycles and remembrance of popular moves, with some degree of corruption… this would be literally a “societal memory bank” or perhaps common sense from repetitive observed behaviors that get passed down to future generations that aggregate across several generations at random say 2 and 3 with most frequency up to 7 and a total remembrance that is somehow related to the generation number which has memory limit, and garbage collects moves (we are collecting repetitive moves seen in games (and lists of possible and weights attached to those based if that move helped win the game or lose))   that haven’t been used in a while. I’ll start small, but I wanna see what happens if I model generational theories, and then also try to make it more lifelike by passing on knowledge that can  be passed down or lost just as in our own history. The corruption part would be randomly resorting some or all the weights on the current best moves list, like an interesting(or horrible) game of telephone… Oh… maybe a cultural steal as well, but I would have to work on creating different cultures each with their own generations, that could be weighted and mutated too. It would be interesting if some cultures develop a high steal rate over time. Wow this just keeps getting more complicated. just got to keep it simple at first.

Damn and I said this would be short!

Self, self improvement

Concern Trolling

Concern trolls. Real life concern trolls. We’ve all probably experienced them, whether from our parents or friends. On the internet these people join some group and pretend to be assimilated but raise issues in such a way that they seem to be concerned but really they are trying to create a cognitive dissonance or disrupt the groups cohesion, often for fun, sometimes just as a way of drawing attention to themselves. Sometimes concern trolls even slip in misinformation and attempt the group to either go in some other direction or fail altogether.

However, when we meet one in life, it is something different, something much more insidious. I’ll admit it, I’ve done it before, I might have had some good reasons to concern troll, but doing so is the worst way to get some one to change something for the better… It can be deceitful, and overall it is just a negative situation. The victim is trying to do something trying to be successful, here the concern troll comes saying, “Well, I don’t know, I mean I think that you should do this other thing instead… I’m just concerned you’re not doing this right and that you are going to get  hurt.”

Whatever the ultimate reason, it doesn’t really matter–message received, they clearly can’t tell us why (unless they make something up). Once we realize that they have not provided us with a clear reason or made something up with the intention of us NOT fully executing upon what we intended to do, we can address the concern troll.

I like to address them, not by calling them out, but by acknowledging that I understand they are concerned first. Next, depending on how long it took to get to this point, I would either say something like “I will take that under consideration,” if the conversation was relatively short. If it strung on, I would let the concern troll know that I’ve heard what they have said and that I will look into it soon at a more opportune time. And I will, because who knows, maybe they weren’t concern trolling. If they are wrong, just leave it at that, hopefully they will not bug you again on the subject. There is no point in arguing or spending anymore time on the subject with them, because it might just be the exact response they want from you. I very much dislike being in situations with someone who likes to get you angry and arguing with them; the best way to avoid that situation is to recognize it for what it is and move on.

Don’t fall prey to people who concern troll you. When you set out to do something, don’t let some one who is concern trolling you stop you, if anything, acknowledge it and see if there is any merit to what they are saying (if they are saying anything at all), don’t waste time falling into the concern toll’s trap.

If you have an interesting story about a concern troll you’ve encountered, please share it in the comments below, I’d love to hear about it and how you dealt with it.


Going Forward

Going Forward, I will do my best to blog on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays… Keepin’ a schedule.

Boy, I was tired this morning, had a late dinner and stayed up later than I should have. When I got up I was so sore I wanted to just lounge and be a potato for the day. I pushed through though, I did 2 reps of kettelbell exercises(until the intensity of the burn is almost too much to bear) while I cooked. One think I might mention is I spend about 15-20 minutes eating outside with just a t-shirt on on my balcony… a little cold therapy, just wished my food didn’t cool down so quickly.

After a bit of procrastination, I did the Insanity workout, cardio recovery. I plan to do the plyometric cardio circuit tomorrow–I watched part of it, I’m scared, but I have to do it, for the betterment of myself. The cardio recovery was interesting, I’ll admit I did struggle a lot, but I got through the whole thing and felt great afterwards.

Later in the day, I met up with a friend and walked a bit, got lunch, accidentally cheated with a raspberry pure leaf tea thinking it was unsweetened. The burrito bowl was nice but I missed the flour tortilla.

After an hour or so, I went swimming for 45 minutes and then “endured” the sauna for 15 minutes.

Tomorrow is my cheat day but I will still work out, Sunday is the rest and I’ve been contemplating using this technique called intermittent fasting after the cheat day, I think I’ll do a little bit more research on it before I try it, though.

future, Health, Insanity, Self, Uncategorized

Changing who you are now for the betterment of your future self

Happy 2014 everyone!

Unlike a lot of people I didn’t set a new years resolution this year, I tried but didn’t have enough time but I wanted it to be something about dieting, losing weight, whatever, I didn’t set it in stone and didn’t start from day one. In 2013, I didn’t shave at all, I had  a bushy beard at the end of 365 days without shaving. I did this to prove to myself, while yet small, that I can do anything that I can control.

Fast forward to this past Tuesday: I went to a Live Your Legend local meetup. One of the last questions asked in a mingling exercise was: “What is it that you want to leave behind in this world, what will your legacy be?”

I’ll admit I didn’t have an answer at first, I thought about it long and hard. I eventually reflected on what I would have said to answer it if it was a few years ago. I wanted to better others through the software that I create. But then I asked myself why that isn’t that the case now. I answered myself, “I just want to live a longer life, to make sure I don’t leave this world in the next two years.”

I’m 330 pounds (150 Kg), have been for about a year now, I know that this is a plateau and it’s just a matter of time before I will break past that and be 380 lbs. or dead in a blink. I did this to myself and I somehow convinced myself that it was ok. No more. I want to live to see past thirty. I have to change.

Right now, I am following the Slow Carb Diet.(as outlined in The 4-Hour Body: An Uncommon Guide to Rapid Fat-Loss, Incredible Sex, and Becoming Superhuman). I am also doing yoga in the mornings, swimming at night. Just today I also spent an hour walking and I also added in the Insanity fitness test, Tomorrow I’ll do the first day to the best of my ability. I just shaved my head to cut down on the build up of heat and sweat on my head as well. I am still trying things out so I can create a schedule around exercise and other activities.

Unfortunately, I am low on work lately, I’ve been doing freelance work but it’s been kinda slow. I have to persist through this even though I don’t know what my financial situation might be, because I want to live and see past the age of 30, I have to do this for myself. I just hope it doesn’t drive my wife insane, because she gets stressed with financial concerns. Maybe I can find a part-time job nearby, but I feel like I have to change things drastically and from the ground up I need to find what works for me so I will be healthy. I will admit I usually have an issue with taking on multiple things at a time, being that I work 8 hours and then I am just so beat by the time I get home or off work I just want to be a vegetable until its bedtime or I get tired. Now the only way I know how to work around that is to just make exercise and eating the primary focus, and then schedule in other things. I could use help with that, but I need to start and continue to focus on eating right and exercising.

I did the fit test today as I mentioned for the insanity program I am following. Here are my results.

Switch Kicks: 79
Power Jacks: 22
Power Knees: 45
Power Jumps : 28 (modified because I dont trust jumping high at my weight)
Globe Jumps: 7
Suicide Jumps: 7
Pushup Jacks: 6
Low Plank Oblique: 18 (modified with belly on mat, since my belly sticks out so far)

My goal is to lose 100 lbs by the end of the year, I believe this is attainable. I may run into an  issue as my doctor believes I have a thyroid issue. But I’m gonna power through that.

Check out the book if you are interested.