Blogging, Diet, family, friends, future, Health, Insanity, SCD

Stress

It’s been a while since I last blogged, at first it was because I couldn’t think of what to write about. Then as the week progressed I was informed of a family emergency and cheating on my diet more than I wanted.

Easy stuff first: So I’ve stopped doing the insanity program, I did it for a full week and midway through and afterwards my shins ached really bad. So I’ve decided to shelve that until I lose a major amount of weight. In place of it I have done Kettelbell workouts, walking more, continuing to do yoga, and swimming.
As for my dieting, I’ve cheated more than I intended to this week, partly due to not having enough food in the house, and then stress from hearing that my grandmother has brain damage from the accident she had early December.

I find it very interesting, that because I don’t have enough variety of foods within my diet, or rather only one part of the meal, that I’ll get hungry, and at that point the first 30 minutes or so I’ll be in a state where I’ll be like, “OK, lets see what I can make within my dietary restrictions.” after that or if I skip that part for whatever reason, I just don’t really car afterwards, I’m hungry, and just need to get sustenance in whatever form available. Once I start cheating, it’s just a slippery slope until I feel satiated. Then I feel bad because I know I’m probably not going to lose weight for that day. I try to not beat myself up over it too much, however, I recognize what I’ve just done and I try to analyze what happened what it was like, and how to correct it. As simple as it sounds, I just need to keep the kitchen stocked with stuff in my diet. I don’t have cheat day cravings if I eat just before or right when I get hungry, so if I can keep the fridge stocked with enough variety I’ll be less likely to cheat. I was pretty busy with interviews this week, and I didn’t go out of my way to make it to the store. What’s funny is that Safeway is just a 10 minute walk from my apartment. I need to edit into my schedule optional times to go to the store I think. Then actually do it. It really just comes down to going and doing it I believe.

In early December my grandmother Bettie and mother were in a car accident when they hit a patch of black ice. My mom was banged up and sore but relatively OK. Bettie broke both her legs and had some nasty damage to her head from hitting the steering wheel (for some reason when they crashed the airbags did not deploy).

Up until a few weeks we thought she was healing  well, and seemed fine mentally–apart from the hospital blues– but recently the doctors have told us that there may be some brain damage, but don’t know to what extent. I called her a day ago and it reminded me of the past few years of interacting with my grandfather Dave and his Alzheimer’s. This is pretty scary stuff for me; I was raised by my grandparents and consider them my father and mother. We lost my grandfather Dave in 2011, so you can imagine how stressful (and emotional) this is.

I am working on getting up to Alaska next week after a few interviews I have here in Seattle. I’m really hoping that things really aren’t as bleak as they seem, I’m hoping that the damage is temporary and reversible, but I just don’t know. I don’t want to lose another parent so soon.

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Blogging, friends, Health, Insanity, Programming, Self, self improvement

Go

It’s late and I have yoga in 6 hours so I’m gonna make this quick–I’ll make hump days my update day.

I have stuck to the SCD pretty closely, not even adding honey or fructose or any sugars of any kind to  my diet–It’s pretty much beans, veggies, protein, water, and the occasional diet soda.

As far as exercise I have worked on doing an Insanity workout that I try to stick to as much as possible, however I am getting pains in my inner shins so I am just doing push-ups or crunches(still can’t do sit-ups yet) for exercises that start to make my shins hurt. I have done this a bit after I get back from yoga at 8am (it starts at 6:45am, I get up at 5:30 am for a light breakfast, still hitting 15g of protein though). I usually go out for walks, and recently my walking buddy just got back into town so we’re going to be walking Friday afternoons just walking around Seattle. I have another friend that wants to do a 5K, I’d like to run/jog it but I don’t think my legs can take the impact at my weight (which is down 5 lbs!).The last time I ran I believe was in 2009 when I was 280 and even then it was tough. (best way to get out of the Fairbanks summer sun at 85F+ — I love cold, but not really below -10F — was to just run fast home then take  a cold shower)

I also swim almost every day, except on the weekends. Today I was practicing Dolphin Kicks, I’d like to take classes or get a coach to help me learn how to swim better, alas maybe when I don’t have to pinch pennies so tightly, which may be soon, I have a meeting next week with a co-founder of a start-up I am really excited about, I don’t want to reveal anything yet, but its a place that does something cool and gives back to communities.

Swimming,walking, yoga, insanity; Those are my exercise staples for now. I’ve read a lot lately and I started looking into the go programming language, my first project after I learn some basicswill be similar to something I did in my junior year CS class, AI programming, but instead of a checkers feed forward neural net, I’m going to up the ante and make it a Chess AI, I was also thinking of writing it such that I can also afterwards easily turn it into a prediction/subject twitter parser for a future project I’d like to play with. Would be interesting if better chess AI brains would be good at predicting future subjects on twitter, I doubt it but will be interesting to test out heh :) I also plan to do some tweaking of the mutation algorithm to fake generational cycles and remembrance of popular moves, with some degree of corruption… this would be literally a “societal memory bank” or perhaps common sense from repetitive observed behaviors that get passed down to future generations that aggregate across several generations at random say 2 and 3 with most frequency up to 7 and a total remembrance that is somehow related to the generation number which has memory limit, and garbage collects moves (we are collecting repetitive moves seen in games (and lists of possible and weights attached to those based if that move helped win the game or lose))   that haven’t been used in a while. I’ll start small, but I wanna see what happens if I model generational theories, and then also try to make it more lifelike by passing on knowledge that can  be passed down or lost just as in our own history. The corruption part would be randomly resorting some or all the weights on the current best moves list, like an interesting(or horrible) game of telephone… Oh… maybe a cultural steal as well, but I would have to work on creating different cultures each with their own generations, that could be weighted and mutated too. It would be interesting if some cultures develop a high steal rate over time. Wow this just keeps getting more complicated. just got to keep it simple at first.

Damn and I said this would be short!

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Blogging

Going Forward

Going Forward, I will do my best to blog on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays… Keepin’ a schedule.

Boy, I was tired this morning, had a late dinner and stayed up later than I should have. When I got up I was so sore I wanted to just lounge and be a potato for the day. I pushed through though, I did 2 reps of kettelbell exercises(until the intensity of the burn is almost too much to bear) while I cooked. One think I might mention is I spend about 15-20 minutes eating outside with just a t-shirt on on my balcony… a little cold therapy, just wished my food didn’t cool down so quickly.

After a bit of procrastination, I did the Insanity workout, cardio recovery. I plan to do the plyometric cardio circuit tomorrow–I watched part of it, I’m scared, but I have to do it, for the betterment of myself. The cardio recovery was interesting, I’ll admit I did struggle a lot, but I got through the whole thing and felt great afterwards.

Later in the day, I met up with a friend and walked a bit, got lunch, accidentally cheated with a raspberry pure leaf tea thinking it was unsweetened. The burrito bowl was nice but I missed the flour tortilla.

After an hour or so, I went swimming for 45 minutes and then “endured” the sauna for 15 minutes.

Tomorrow is my cheat day but I will still work out, Sunday is the rest and I’ve been contemplating using this technique called intermittent fasting after the cheat day, I think I’ll do a little bit more research on it before I try it, though.

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Blogging, Self

I Remember Everything

Except my own thoughts as time passes. I’ve found I have an amazing gift of recall, now I’m not boasting it is perfect like I can remember exactly what and where everything is in a room I’ve only been in for 3 seconds, but occasionally, at the most random of times I will recall randomly past events as if I were there. For example, at one point that the Creed CD was in-between a lego bucket and a old speaker with 3 cracks in it and well worn–and that it was empty and the CD was in my boombox, but my radio was on 99.7 FM playing some latest hit circa 2001. Amazing detail on recall, and can often summon them on command (not always mind you), but these are for physical events; Events I saw, heard, tasted/smelled, felt, but the most important events happened inside my head as a result of a culmination of such events, and I seem to have a hard time recalling those events most of the time. I find this disturbing. Perhaps it’s the nature of such events, I mean what is happening when we make a memory are that neurons are firing creating new pathways, and I think in this particular instance what I am disturbed with is that I have no memory of these pathways being created as they are created.

One particular memory I have of this happening, I think, Is my first memory. I recall playing with a barrel of monkeys, I was obviously frustrated because I would grab one and there would only be a few monkeys linked together. For whatever reason I stopped to think “Why aren’t more monkeys linking arms?”. Bam! It was like my brain lit up like a christmas tree I even remember feeling a disembodied tingling sensation in my head. I realized that the arms had to cross each other for a link to be formed–to get more monkeys in one go. Further, I found that I could replicate this not only by pulling the monkeys out of the barrel and up into the air but I could do this on the ground. I recall I tested this hypothesis by taking two single monkeys and laying them flat against each other and pulling them apart to which they did not link, then trying several methods of creating scenarios where they would link–All it required was that they “cross” at the arms. After that I could create longer links and sometimes even link the whole barrel of monkeys by being careful and getting the monkeys to link arms. I think this is the first time I asked “why?” and answered myself, and as an interesting result all of my memory that I can recall starts from this point.

This is when I came online, at least thats how I like to think of it. I really feel that when I asked “why?” this is what had set off a chain of reactions that resulted into me today. There are other moments like these, where I ask “why?” to myself and come to some conclusion, and these shape my future. Often I don’t recall these events. I am hoping by rebooting my blogging efforts I can help capture these events. I have 30+ concurrent streams of thoughts right now that go on and off that I know will end up shaping who I am tomorrow.  That is of course if they make a big enough impact I can recall them. Most often they fall to the side to never be brought up again or perhaps two or three months later will be triggered to my foremind by something random or mundane and not even related.

In the past I’ve been held back by caring too much about what if some other person now or in the future sees this, and as a result, I have censored my writing to practically nothing. I’ve also struggled with the issue of just being lazy, I got a thought, I thought it out, I could do more, but writing for an audience is just taxing. I have decided that I will be primarily writing to and for my future self, so that I may capture these moments I find so very hard to capture. I find that when I am writing for some purpose that I am passionate about, I generally use writing as a tool to help me think and that is what I will be doing here.

I am in a position where I realize I have some passions I really haven’t thought too much about  up until now and I want to explore them and others. Why? Because I feel it’s imperative that I know who I am to myself. It might be clichéd, but deep down I want to be happy, and there is a lot  I can do to improve that. It’s about living a life YOU feel is worth living, right? So from here on out I want, and I feel it is imperative that I commit to doing this–asking the “why?”s and recording them, making hypothesis, testing them,  and hopefully answering my own questions shaping my future with some reflection. If I should recede or become disillusioned with this task, as I’ve learned by now, just writing about anything is enough to get me on some semblance back on this journey. You can do this, excuses are not excuse enough to avoid being alive.

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